The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
