so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
please come you make the beer taste better
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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