I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
