Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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