Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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