hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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