All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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