So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How's work?
Spinning.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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