Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
why is half of my head shaved?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
