All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
