She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize