which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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