i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
