I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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