you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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