did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
