my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
