even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I currently don't understand fingers.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
