i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
