I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
