glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize