As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
