Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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