don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
