just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
