Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
