she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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