idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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