one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
