Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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