Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
