Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
