She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
