I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
