my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
