True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Found your dick twin last night
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
