I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
