Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
