Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
