I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
