How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
