I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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