I think my fart just growled at me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
