Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
