She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
