I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
