I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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