Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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