so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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