whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
