When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
