A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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