i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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