This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
