Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
