It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
