i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
50% drunk capacity currently
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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