it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
