Need sex. Gaining weight.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
