i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
