They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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