I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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