He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
