I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just blew my weed a kiss
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
