Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
